The Power Unresolved Trauma Holds

Healing Without Hurting Others

Why does she always speak so rudely to me? Why is he always abusive towards me? Why is my mother so overprotective of me? Have such questions struck your mind too? Sometimes others’ vague behavior towards us has no explanation. But there might be a possibility that it’s a trauma response. It’s the unresolved trauma of the person that drives such unhealthy behavioral patterns. Now this unhealed trauma has the power to drag people around that person too.

Suffering from trauma and its repercussions at a moment is a different thing but being stuck in the shackles of trauma for the entire life is a different story. Just like the unhealed physical injuries make you more irritable, annoyed, and anxious, the unhealed emotional wounds make you someone you aren’t. And this makes not only you but your relationships suffer too. 

Where does this Trauma Stem From?

Trauma can result from anything like childhood abuse, loss of a loved one, childhood neglect, abandonment, bullying victimization, toxic relationships, etc. Anything that has an immense impact on you emotionally, can become a source of your trauma. 

This past trauma shapes our personality in such a way that we see everything through these traumatic lenses. We start believing that people are out there to harm us, that no one cares, that everyone’s the same. Now when this trauma is left unhealed, you either let your guard up towards others or retaliate; you either behave in a manner you think you once deserved or you happen to continue the cycle.

The Healing that Breaks

We all are eventually broken souls trying to heal by breaking others. But that's not how healing works, right? Your bullied self can't be healed by mistreating others. Your unloved self can't be healed by hating others. Your neglected self can't be healed by making someone feel excluded. Your wounded self can't be healed by inflicting pain on someone.

It's unfortunate that you weren’t treated the way you deserved in the past but that doesn't mean someone else deserves the same treatment as a result of your wounds.       

No one deserves to be the container of someone else's pain. You may or may not be aware of how your trauma dictates your conduct, and how the path you took towards healing might be wounding the people you come across in the path. It only creates an unending chain of pain.

We can't fix ourselves by the broken pieces of others. Choose a healthy path to healing. Be mindful of your actions and be kind to yourself and others.

Related Post: Developing the Art of Kindness

What is Healing?

Healing means that you're letting go of your wounds and pain, embracing the scars, and holding onto the lessons from those memories. Healing not just means getting rid of the wounds but also filling the gaps those wounds have given rise to on emotional levels. 

Healing is a process with many peaks and valleys. It can include a willingness to change, self-acceptance, patience, compassion towards self and others, and being mindful of the process. 

The effect of unresolved trauma can be detrimental. You deserve to heal but in the right way! Acknowledging the unhealed trauma is the first step. It is essential to identify the psychological markers and the triggering factors. Understanding the realm of trauma and how it's impacting the person's life and relationships can be a good start in the journey of healing. 

Using mindfulness techniques can help the person to become more conscious of the scenario they are in and identify the severity of trauma. Practicing self-care, prioritizing your mental health, surrounding yourself with the people who uplift you, and some relaxation exercises can do wonders! And remember, seeking professional help in need is never a sign of weakness. So, move past the stigma because it’s the doorway to your peace and well-being.

So, what do you think? Are you on the right path to healing?

How to Boost Your Happiness?

 Exploring the Road Towards Happiness

Imagine you had a long and tiring day and your cozy bed is waiting for you to unwind. Before drifting off to sleep, look back and ponder upon what you struggled today for; what was the purpose for working your fingers to the bone throughout the day? And did it make you happy? You scroll down Social Media because it makes you happy, you work because it makes you happy, you fall in love because it makes you happy, you chase success because it makes you happy. But ever thought about what really makes you happy?

We humans spend most of our lives hunting happiness and contentment. This ‘Happiness’ is like a beautiful and mischievous butterfly that makes us run behind it like a kid hoping to catch it. Some people find it in the most obvious corners whereas some people scan the entire planet to find it. Wondering what are the common flowers this butterfly called ‘happiness’ sits on most often? Let’s explore together! Read the article till the end to unveil what happiness is and how to be happier. (Psst, there’s a surprise for you as well ;))

What is Happiness?

Happiness is subjective and can have as many definitions as the number of people living on this planet. This question might hold different answers for different people. It depends upon the perspective of looking at life. For some, happiness is an emotion, for some, it's a process, for some, it's an achievement, and for some, it's the ultimate aim of life.

Happiness is a state of well-being and contentment characterized by positive emotions and satisfaction with life. It is a subjective experience that can be influenced by various factors such as relationships, finances, health, and personal values.

What is Happiness Quotient?

Ever thought, can we calculate anyone’s happiness too? Yes, happiness can be measured! The happiness quotient is a measure of an individual's overall subjective happiness and well-being. It takes into account factors such as positive emotions, life satisfaction, and a sense of purpose. In total seven happiness quotients such as physical, emotional, social, occupational, environmental, intellectual, and spiritual come together under the same roof to form the happiness quotient.

How to be Happier?

We all have different definitions of happiness then how can the pathway of reaching towards it be the same? But considering how the happiness quotient of people is constantly deteriorating, here are a few tips to help you promote happiness in your life. 

1. Practice Gratitude

No one has a straight curve in life. We all come across peaks and valleys in our lives. We mope around when things go wrong, we smile when things go our way. But in this marathon full of tears and smiles, we forget to express gratitude. Every tear shedding from your eyes gives a lesson, every smile spreading across your face is a cue to keep going. We forget to extract this positivity from every situation thereby failing to be grateful.

Gratitude is a positive emotion. When we are grateful towards anything or anyone and not just being grateful but expressing it, it makes you feel happy. Practice gratitude by turning your focus towards the positive things in your life.

2. Engage in activities that bring you joy

Do what you love and love what you do. Indulge in activities that you find interesting. Engaging in hobbies and such leisure activities acts as a stress buster. It reduces the level of cortisol (stress hormone) and stimulates the release of happy hormones such as dopamine which promotes happiness. 

3. Exercise!

As it’s said, “A healthy mind resides in a healthy body.” Taking care of your physical health by exercising and indulging in healthy habits can do wonders for your mental health too. Exercise regularly as physical activity has the power to uplift mood. 

And exercising doesn’t always mean lifting heavy weights at the gym. It could be as simple as taking a walk in nature, stretching your muscles a bit, practicing yoga, and avoiding being a couch potato!

4. Cultivating strong relationships 

As social beings, no human can survive without relationships. Connect with others and build positive relationships. Happiness scatters its magic when one is loved and loves others. 

Cherish every healthy relationship of your life. Extract happiness from these relationships and be their source of happiness as well. Surround yourself with people who radiate positive vibes and plunge in their positivity.

5. Manage Stress

No human has a stress-free life. Still, people could be happy if they know how to manage this stress and how to deal with the tantrums of life. Identify your stressors and devise healthy ways of overcoming them. Practice mindfulness, meditation, and maintain a healthy lifestyle to reduce stress and increase happiness.

6. Indulge in random acts of kindness

When we are kind towards others, it ignites happiness within. Helping others not only makes the giver happy but the receiver also.  Give back to society, volunteer for a good cause, and be empathetic and compassionate. If I talk about myself, I feel the happiest when I’m being my kiddish self, when I’m able to put a smile on someone’s face, and when I help! And believe me, the joy you’ll feel is pure bliss.

Related Post: Developing the Art of Kindness

Besides these, getting quality sleep, eating your favorite food, cherishing even your little accomplishments, savoring every moment, finding a sense of purpose in life, and smiling as often as you can are some of the ingredients of happiness. 

With the increasing hustle and bustle of life, the butterfly of happiness is somewhere slipping through the hands of humans. To be happy you do not need to hit a jackpot, become a billionaire, attain fame or climb Mount Everest, happiness can be found in anything and everything. Look around yourself, there are countless reasons to smile. You do not have to become Sherlock Holmes to search for happiness, just be yourself and embrace life as it comes your way because happiness is not found, it’s seen! 

Take this Oxford’s happiness test to know your happiness status!

So, what makes you happy? Let me know your recipe for happiness in the comments below! :)

Developing the Art of Kindness

 Let’s Be More Human!

Have you ever indulged in acts such as helping a blind person cross the road, giving your seat to a senior citizen while traveling by bus, offering a glass of water to a salesperson, etc? What did it make you feel?  If I talk about myself, when I perform such acts or even when I witness them my heart blushes with the pure shades of happiness and contentment.

Being kind sounds so simple yet when it comes to actually being kind, people find themselves caged by the what ifs. It’s like they are caught between “I want to” and “Why only me”. If you fall in this category, or if you’re a super kind person, or even if the “I’m not bothered” type of person, this blog post is for you!  Read till the end to discover the sparkling realm of kindness, the benefits it serves, and some ways of inculcating kindness.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE KIND?

Being kind is a simple and genuine act of being considerate of others, helping them or yourself and being spirited to be generous. Kindness opens one’s wings to give flight to the idea of benefiting others. Indulging in kindness allows one to act more respectfully towards others, be more grateful, forgiving, and helpful. 

Why is Kindness Important?

Kindness is the essence of being human, a basic trait we humans can possess. It helps in making the world a better place to live in, a community knitted with the threads of care, respect, and compassion. We humans are definitely upgrading our lives with modern technologies but forgetting to sustain our humaneness. 

Quoting a friend here who says, “People call me kind, when I’m just being human!” My heart got stuck in this simple yet deep statement. Kindness isn’t just important to make others happy or to be happier by one’s good deeds but is necessary for the nourishment of humanity.

Benefits of Kindness

Kindness enhances your self-esteem

Your actions are a mirror of your thoughts. When you indulge in kindness, it ignites the phenomenon called “the helper’s high”. Peeling off the term, it means every selfless act you perform is followed by the rush of positive emotions and a feeling of upliftment. It helps you perceive yourself in a brighter light and boost your self-esteem.  

Kindness is good for your health

Kindness showers many physical and mental health benefits. Research shows that being kind improves one’s well being. It helps in lowering the blood pressure and boosting the immune system. Being kind rings the mini celebration alarms of your brain by releasing the happy hormones such as serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. These are the body’s natural mood boosters. Kindness also aids in alleviating the stress levels of a person. 

Kindness helps in connecting with people

 

As social beings, we are expected to be there for others. We help, we connect. Being kind expands one’s social network. It gives a sense of belonging and helps people sustain healthy relationships.

Kindness is contagious

Recalling here the famous dialogue of actor Salman Khan from his movie Jai ho, “Don’t thank me, instead pay it forward by helping three people and asking them to continue the chain, the world will change.” It is likely that if you’re being kind towards someone it’ll instill positive feelings in them, encouraging them to indulge in the acts of kindness.

Kindness instills joy among the giver, receiver, and the witnesses.

Kindness not only scatters happiness among the people involved but also the people around. Being kind is a blessing and seeing someone be kind is pure bliss. Every time I witness someone being kind, my heart smiles. 

I remember, once one of my juniors at college was shivering from the cold and needed a shot of coffee. But then instead of sipping the coffee he passed it to an old lady sitting afar. She was an outsider waiting for her husband for a long time. Some of you might think, so what? It was just coffee! But thinking about someone else's needs over yours is a big deal! That one small act made me so happy. It made me believe that kindness does exist, maybe in the corners least explored.

Related Post: What Magic Can your Smile Ignite?

10 Ways to be Kinder

Here are some ways of inculcating kindness:

1. Practice empathy and try to see things from others’ perspectives.

2. Show appreciation and gratitude towards others.

3. Start small by doing random acts of kindness, like holding a door open for someone or complimenting a stranger.

4. Volunteer your time and skills to help others.

5. Practice forgiveness and let go of grudges.

6. Spread positivity and kindness on social media and in your interactions with others.

7. Be mindful of your words and actions and how they affect others.

8. Educate yourself on different cultures and perspectives to broaden your understanding and compassion.

9. Surround yourself with positive and kind people who inspire you to be better.

10. Practice self-kindness and self-care to improve your own well-being and be better able to give kindness to others

People come and go, what stays is the impressions of how they made you feel. It's quite easy to belittle someone but difficult to uplift them. You'll find a thousand ways to make someone feel bad about themselves but only a few to help them see through the illusions and discover their real self. 

We put in so much effort at ‘looking’ our best but barely give a thought to ‘behaving’ our best. Appearances can deceive but not the feelings you ignite through your actions and speech. Your rude comments can just be a few "cool words" for you but it has the power of crushing someone's self-esteem. If you can't help someone rise then at least DON'T KILL their ability to rise. 

They say, ‘Not everyone deserves your kindness’, but not everyone deserves meanness as well. We weren’t created by the almighty to walk in this world and demean others. And just shrugging it off by saying, “I have temper issues” is the least of an excuse. That still doesn't give you the right to make someone the container of your anger. We are no one on this humongous planet to be unkind towards others. That doesn’t mean I’m encouraging you to go and hug a thief who broke into your house (you are smart enough to get my point). 

Be kind to yourself and others. Believe me, a little kindness wouldn't hurt! Start small, but start today. 

What are your thoughts about kindness? Did you like the post? Let me know in the comments below! :)

Why is Being Alone Important Too?

 Solitude: The Art of Being Alone Without Being Lonely

They say being lonely is as dangerous for one's health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. But does that mean we should be surrounded by people 24/7? Does that mean being alone and lonely share the same equation? There’s a beautiful concept of solitude that has the key to these questions.

I have this habit of being on my own, escaping to take a walk with myself on my college campus. My friends often say, “Sonal, don’t roam around alone, you might get lost.” (I have quite a reputation for it ;) ). I know there’s a tint of care in their dialogues but what can I say? I’m a sucker for solitude. I crave such moments where I can be with myself, where I can converse with the person residing in me, and where I can peek within myself to explore, enhance, and embrace myself. 

Well, that’s my love for solitude but do you know what real benefits solitude can serve us? How reserving some “me time” can become a gateway to happiness? Let’s explore the answers to these questions and more!

Solitude Versus Loneliness

Though the terms Solitude and Loneliness are sometimes used interchangeably, there’s a thin line separating them both. One common road that they follow is the state of being alone. The divergence that draws them apart is the purpose serving that road, the urge, the thoughts and emotions accompanying it, and its nature.  

Loneliness is an undesirable negative state where one yearns for someone’s presence; there’s a feeling of vacuum that the person tries to fill. In contrast, solitude is a positive and exploratory state where one desire for their own company. It’s being alone while not being lonely, allowing the person to engage with themselves. Loneliness might be imposed while solitude is chosen. 

Loneliness makes the person dwell in misery, and feel discontented. On the contrary, solitude imbibes a feeling of bliss, and pure contentment with the time spent alone. Solitude rejuvenates the mind and body whereas loneliness drains out a person.

Why is Solitude Important?

• Knowing thyself: Solitude helps in pausing the hustle and bustle of everyday life and glancing at a mirror to see one's inner reflection. Uncovering the innermost layers of Self. Taking out time to get to know oneself better. If you are on a mission of understanding others then how can you forget to understand the most important person, 'yourself' first? And to know, giving oneself the deserving time is the key! 

• It allows you to love who you are: Spending time with yourself allows you to shift your focus from filters to the real picture. Solitude teaches us to embrace all our flaws, the scars, and the beauty within. And when you accept the real you, you begin pouring love unconditionally. Let's put it this way, you meet an amazing person residing within you and you can't resist but fall deeper in love with them. And it gives you the power to sprinkle that love on others as well. 

• It boosts creativity: Thinking out of the box needs one to jump out from the chaotic box of the world. Taking out some time for oneself opens the door to creativity. When the mind is away from all the strings of the world and close to peace, you witness a spark of creativity. The alone time becomes a channel for all the ideas yearning to come out. The creative juices flow with more speed and sweetness.

• It enhances mental health: Cherishing solitude is a wonderful way to make sure that your mental and emotional health is taken care of. In the marathon of life, we often forget to take a pause and breathe. We forget to feed our mind with the peace it craves for. Solitude allows us to discover that peace and inculcate healthier habits. It helps in clearing the clutter of your mind and fuels a relaxed state.

It allows you to unplug from the world and reconnect with yourself and your innermost thoughts and emotions. It can aid in reducing stress and anxiety, and it can also help to give you the space and time to focus on yourself and your goals.

 

How to Indulge in Solitude?

Solitude is a great way to refresh and rejuvenate yourself. Here are some ways to practice solitude:

1. Take a long walk in nature. Let the fresh air caress you softly and eliminate the harshness of time. Feel the beauty of the landscape and the peacefulness of being alone.

2. Unplug for a day. Put away the devices and screens to which your eyes and mind are glued. Spend some time reading, writing, or painting in a quiet and serene environment.

3. Practice meditation. Find a quiet spot and focus on your breathing, or listen to a guided meditation.

4. Spend an afternoon in a museum or gallery. Enjoy the art without having to engage with other people.

5. Find a peaceful go-to place in your home and spend some time there. Listen to soothing music, drink some herbal tea, and take some time for yourself.

6. Go to a cafe alone. Bring a book, journal, or a project you can work on and enjoy some alone time.

7. Engage yourself in the things you relish. Go on a solo date and shower some love on yourself.

You move towards growth and fulfilment when you reflect upon yourself. You become more aware of what's brewing in that mind and that invites contentment to your door. Enjoy your company, pamper yourself a bit, be your best friend, and explore yourself and new realms of life. Give yourself permission to savour the silence and be grateful for the chance to take some much-needed time off.

Solitude is a great way to dig deeper within yourself and find yourself in this extremely crowded world. So, are you ready to reconnect with yourself? 

How did you find this article? What importance does solitude hold for you?  Let me know in the comments below! :)