For the 23 years of my existence, setting boundaries was an alien term for me. I turned a blind eye to the fact that it was somewhere stealing my peace of mind. I overlooked that I was investing my energy in the wrong places which made me neglect my needs.
I am a person who likes to help people by going the extra mile. Sometimes such people who are always busy helping others forget to help themselves. I made the same mistake. And every mistake brings with it both repercussions and lessons. But that’s how life is! You make mistakes, you face the consequences, and you learn.
It took me some emotional wounds to get to my senses and understand its intricacies. Everyone around me was tired of explaining this to me. I knew that I had to do something about it but how to do it was still Greek to me.
This year taught me how to protect my peace, and how to draw a line between what’s good for my mental health and what’s not.
I still have difficulty in setting clear boundaries, in saying no but I did initiate the process. The initiation did cost me to face some devastating emotions too because I was doing something against my conditioning. But sometimes these are the storms that bring you peace as well.
Related Post: Is it Okay to Quit?
What Realizations did I Get with Saying No?
Sometimes to be a shoulder of support for others, you've to focus on strengthening your shoulders first. Sometimes standing by your side too becomes necessary. No doubt people’s perspectives about you might take a 360 degrees turn after that. But that’s how it works, perspectives change as per convenience.
This reminds me of one of my friend’s words. She once said, “Sonal, remember when you’ll start saying no, when you’ll begin the journey of being assertive, you won’t be perceived the same way.” I get it now what she meant by it. I realized that how I am perceived doesn’t change who I am.
I realized that your no won’t be respected the same as your yes. But that’s how you distinguish between who wants the best for you and who doesn’t. I realized that saying no might make you lose people who just relied on your yes. I realized that it’s okay to grieve.
For some, it might just be a matter of a yes or no but no one could ever realize the inner strength it takes to utter that smallest word. People won’t be bothered to dig into the reasons behind that no. Your no would be weighed more than who you are. I realized that for my peace I need to make peace with this fact too.
I realized that no matter how much someone cares for you, no one else can protect your peace. You need to step ahead and take charge. Setting boundaries will protect your peace from shattering.
I realized that some things are better left unsaid because though voicing your thoughts is crucial, communication works only when the other person is willing to understand as well. And these realizations hit differently.
Why am I sharing this?
There’s so much that’s screaming to pop out of this head. And that’s when I realized the reason why I created this space, to express! And here I am gathering all of my strength to write this.
To all those reading this, I know how difficult it can be to align your reality with peace, to align your kindness with your mental health, and your goodness with what’s right for you. But remember that your mental peace is above anyone’s misconceptions about you and your picture embedded in their minds. You can be there for yourself and still be kind!
I learned that a no doesn’t define you. I am still learning and I know that there’s a long way to go. But I’m proud of how far I’ve come. You should be too! And remember, just like you have the right to prioritize your peace, every beating heart has it too. So respect others’ no just like you would expect others to do so.
